Mother Nature, A Love Note

My secret camping spot

Third through fifth grade, my family rented a farm house on 27 acres.  It was the first great thing to happen to me, an 8 year old girl trapped in an emotionally and physically abusive existence.  FREEDOM.  There was a barn, a hayloft, kittens, multiple ponds, tadpoles, crawdads, horse hair snakes and two horses owned by our landlord.  I have since forgiven my mother for not knowing how to love me.  How can I fault her for as a girl for she never received very much love or acceptance either.  Those 27 acres took me in and soon became my adoptive mother.  I explored every square inch of this personal paradise. My biological mom had to buy a high powered whistle to call me in for dinner and then again for bedtime.  To this day I believe this was the strongest influence in the making of who I am today.

We moved.

I was almost 12. A big yard but not a refuge. The solution: my bio mom would drive me 3.5 miles to a park with the most phenomenal creek bed that meandered what seemed like forever.  We would synchronize our watches and she would pick me up at a designated time usually 2-3 hours.  Just me, the creek, salamanders, newts, and trees...pure nature.  I was home.  A lone 11.5 year old girl in the urban wilderness.  So thankful those were the days before the internet, cell phones, and parental hyper awareness to safety and predators.  A 12 year old girl these days does not have the same freedom. I am sad for her.

Fast forward 18 years, my mother love stronger than ever and in my longing for her I moved to Montana (and not wanting to turn 30 west of the continental divide).  Found a job selling ads for a weekly newspaper.  Every day after work I hiked the same 4 miles in the same wilderness area.  Was I stuck in a rut?  Not even close.  It is meditative to connect to the same patch of land.  I distinctly remember missing a few days from my jaunt du jour.  It seemed as if whole forest had changed!  New flowers were in bloom whereas some had withered, not noticeable unless you were truly connected.  I have a different job now and those days were long ago but I still feel happiest and most loved when I am amongst the trees, kayaking on a mountain lake, in my garden or on a trail.

Through the pain and misunderstanding of one mother I learned the importance of forgiveness and of unconditional love. Through the generosity of her bounty and absence of judgment I was able to embrace the other.  She got me through the tough times and helped me feel as if I belonged.  I am of a certain age now and am grateful to see the big picture.  I am especially lucky.  I have two moms.